These are crazy times. The Global Pandemic seems to be finally winding down here, but in India, people are dying hundreds by the minute. Things are still a mess at our southern border, even as Joe Biden quadruples the refugee quota to enter the U-S, There’s some compelling evidence that UFO’s are out of Roswell and fling recon—around US Navy Ships. And among those seeking to replace our governor is one of the greatest Olympic athletes of our time, whose grown out the hair and traded gym shorts for a sensible dress.
Among other changes.
Not being reported until now –The great California cheese crisis.
It’s not a political statement, but here in the quickly tarnishing Golden State, the cheese long known as “American” is hard to come by. OK—you can find it at most self-respecting grocery stores and warehouse clubs, and I suppose American is the cheese of choice at McDonald’s…and In and Out, but just try to find it in most sit-down establishments. Choose any ten—and I’ll bet you won’t find that tasty yellow slice in 9 of them. What would be a routine order on the East Coast—-BLT with a slice, —Grilled Cheese—Ham and Cheese omelet— Philly Cheese steak ..made without question…and without cheddar or jack… American Cheese. Period. Unless you request otherwise.
In California….good luck.
Thank you for offering …but do I look like I want Grilled Havarti or a Monterey Jack Omelet? Even at some joint where they pompously offer artisanal cheese—like you must be Rembrandt to put milk curds through their paces…any chef whose any gouda will tell you the secret to good macaroni and cheese—is of course in the American cheese family…that slab designed to survive nuclear war…brand name Velveeta. High melting point…and a certain chemical creaminess.
I have debated the issue with servers, managers and even some chefs…with little satisfaction. I’ve given up The Beach Hut Deli where I swear the gals get a commission for every sandwich served with cream cheese. Maybe Californians just don’t like American Cheese. Maybe the health-conscious balk at the label’s…where in some cases so there’s so little real cheese it’s labeled a processed cheese food. Call it what you will. I like the stuff–and so do many transplanted compatriots.
I suppose there are worse things than a ham and cheddar sandwich or a Swiss Cheese omelet—but until they start serving Kraft Singles with Craft Beer—-I’m demanding an investigation. Maybe it’s a job for The House Un American Activities committee, or maybe we should call in California’s smartest dairy farmer…The guy they call—The Cheese Whiz.
Crane’s Corner….News and Comment